At the time, we were still trying to be polyamorous -- having realized we were in love, but also dubious of monogamy -- and while the endeavor made us both uncomfortable we were also both deeply invested in seeking an arrangement that suited us. And part of that entailed being honest about the need for varied sexual attention.
I've only seen Ben once, fleetingly, in the market. It's the most overtly sexual life choice I've ever made, and it's fun. Or rather, like an immature asshole, I stopped returning text messages.
And don't ever kid yourself on this important point: He is still having sex with his wife, no matter what you may want to believe. Legally, financially and emotionally, you have no claim.